“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” ~Lao Tzu
We’ve all feared — at some stage in our lives — what people think of us. As ludicrous as it is to hand over your personal power in this way, it’s still a reality and something that is dealt with on a daily basis for most.
Here are 8 tips on how to get rid of caring about how you appear to others:
- Don’t Buy Into the Media Version of Happy/Beauty — The fear of imperfection and/or of not being accepted is, of course, an a-lister in the battle of caring what others think of you. But answer this: Who gets to be the judge and jury on what is deemed beautiful or hideous — successful or stupid? A big contributor to our general feelings of insecurity are the tabloids/magazines/TV shows and movies. Spare a thought about who you give your power over to. These various outlets that dictate what beauty and normal are seem to be pushing fake, in my opinion. There are moments where true beauty can shine through these channels, but those flashes are few and far between. To indulge in a cliché: True beauty and acceptance is in the eye of the beholder. So anyone claiming to know what beauty or normal definitely is needs very close examining if they are not including every member of the human race. Capisce!
- Love Yourself More — We need to look at ourselves and find the beauty inherent within us, and not always trying to weed out our perceived faults. When you treat yourself with loving kindness and nurture your self-esteem with positive thoughts, you will begin to shift into alignment with your higher self. Because Ms. Aguilera was right, you are beautiful no matter what they say! When you can out these undesirable contracts or agreements that you have fallen prey to (aka comparing yourself to models or to celebrity status), you can begin to repair them. We have to discover why we felt the lack and how we are feeling now about the same issue (more about this in later points). Intrinsically, we are all we ever need to be. We make agreements that go against our very sense of self when we buy into all the external hullabaloo. Be happy with the skin you’re in and the unique nature that you possess.
- Reassess Your Core Beliefs — When we were young we had no inhibitions and sang at the top of our voices, danced our hearts out (whether someone was looking or not) and thought we were princesses and superheroes. Then one day someone came along and made you feel less than what you felt about yourself. You may have paused to take it in – then you made a crucial decision. Either you agreed with what they said or you didn’t. That is why some of us can still dance freely and not be bothered whilst others cringe at the thought of dancing in public – this could be due to an earlier experience of being made to feel like you were ‘no good’ by someone who was only giving you their perspective at that given moment. We need to extract and acknowledge the agreement and overwrite it with a new, more self-serving belief.
- Be Mindful of Perspectives — Everyone (yes, even you!) has a preference based on their version of reality. When you are confronted, and possibly affronted, by one persons perspective you must realize that it is but one view in a sea of other possible outlooks. There is going to be someone (or many) out there who just happens to love your form of expression. If you happen to go back in time and mentally extract a scenario where your ego was wounded, you may find that this person could have been someone very dear to you — someone you trusted deeply. In this case, it can make the hurt twice as potent. However, we must consider that some things are said in the heat of the moment and not really meant by the offender, so we really need to dissect our reasons for making the agreement in the first place. This is not about playing the blame game, it’s about taking responsibility for how you feel NOW.
- Resign All Hopes of Universal Appeal — You need to know that you can never have universal appeal, I mean let’s get real here. You or your talents may not be one person’s cup of tea but what about all the other people in the world who will resonate with your particular brand of uniqueness? However, ultimately you need to please only you. When you do this then you are immediately accepted and no outside influence can make you feel anything other than what you know yourself to be. Trying to please everyone will only get your knickers in a twist. Please yourself in a way that harms none and you will open up a floodgate of happiness for just being you. Rather be loved for who you are and not someone else’s idea of perfection.
- Accept Compliments — Believe it or not, this can be a problem for some. We sometimes tend to disregard the ones who encourage us, leaving only space in our thoughts for the ones who hurt us. Why is this, I wonder? Everyone has the urge to be liked and accepted for who they are. This is normal. But what we need to redefine is what is normal? Every soul is special and has equally unique attributes, abilities and ways of expressing themselves creatively. So on your road to not caring about what people think of you, don’t forget to truly look at the gift of a compliment when it is given.
- Name and Shame that Judge — When judgment rears its head (in your head), we must question the one doing the judging (yip — ourselves). Tell that judge that you are in love with your differences. Viva la difference! Without freedom of expression this world would be an extraordinary dull globe. Without the awesome diversity in hair colour, body shapes, talents, voices, tastes, etcetera we would be nothing more than a herd of sheep running around in a field day in and day out – baa-baa-boring!
- Get Shmoozy with Yourself — Know Thyself! Only then will you begin to discover, on the deepest level, that which you truly are and all of what you have accomplished on your many sojourns. Draw on the teeming wealth of talents you have (because everyone has a cache of things they can do and excel at — even if you haven’t discovered yours yet). When you do creatively express yourself (read more about how to get creative regardless of who you are HERE), there is nothing anyone can say or do to you that would ever hurt you. You will be resolute as to who you are and nobody can take that away from you — unless you allow them to.
When you are truly walking the talk and ‘being the best you can be’ and you are doing this with all your integrity and hutspah — you have nothing to fear. Strive to be and do the best you can in every moment and in every situation — you do this and there’ll be no room for doubt.
Words, gestures, deeds or energy that do not fit with your frequency or vibration will not be allowed to penetrate your field of self — it will be water off a ducks back because you know you are doing the best you can. This is the path to becoming the master of your life and your reality.
Empowerment comes from fearing no-thing and facing every day with courage and love in your heart. Leave what other people think of you at the door if it does not fit with your vision and don’t take anything personally!
About The Author
Cherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author and multi-media artist from South Africa. To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com.
Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality.
You can also follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment).
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