How we come into the world matters.  How we are born into this world shapes our future reality. It sets up the foundational blueprint for how we engage with life.  Our early beginnings influences everything we do, our attachment patterns with others, our relationship with money, how we treat ourselves and respond to the world around us.   

I’m not just talking about physical birth here either …. I also mean how our soul comes into incarnate in this lifetime and our passage through our early primal experience and how that enforces certain imprints on us.  We also carry with us inherited genealogical imprints from our ancestors and past lives.    How we come into the world is more influenced by the stories we make up or decide about what happened than by what actually happened.  

Imprints are the thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, ideas and stories we made up about ourselves, about life and the world. They are the stories that get passed on through our genealogical DNA and into the cellular memory of our bodies.  There are both positive imprints and there are adverse imprints.

Many of us are walking around with infant parts of us that are fractured off, disconnected from us, trying to control our behavior and get its needs met in the best ways it knows how.

We all have primal core emotional needs for secure attachment.  If they were not met, we feel a longing to try and meet them… often in adverse (infantile) ways.  

Most of us have areas in our early beginnings where our core emotional needs were not met and we developed compensatory patterns in order to survive, protect or control. 

This might look like fighting to get what we need, grasping, clinging or taking whatever we can get.  In the toddler when separated from his mother, he will run to the door and cry and protest and when she returns will cling very tightly.

You might decide that your needs just don’t matter at all, that you can’t trust anyone, you have to go it alone and end up collapsing, freezing or shutting down.  This is often the result of neglect.  In the toddler who is separated from his mother he won’t seem to care much about her leaving or returning. 

Or maybe you take the sneaky backdoor – passive-aggressive approach to getting your needs met.  You don’t directly say what they are but play nice to get along and then hope that what you have given to others will magically come back to you.  You have difficulty trusting. This can be very confusing and is often the result of abuse. You long for love and distrust it at the same time.  In toddlers when separated from her mother she will be unaffected by her mother leaving but more upset with the stranger leaving and when she returns will want to be consoled while resisting being consoled and more easily consoled by the stranger. . 

Perhaps you can relate to one of the 3 attachment styles.  

Mine has been the latter, building safety and trust and learning to become open has been part of my life journey.

We find ways not to get too close and control intimacy.  We try to force others to love us. We struggle to be open and vulnerable. 

How we come into this world is how we do everything.  Everything we do is a reflection of our incarnation and birth story. How we form intentions, how we prepare, how we execute and take action, follow through and integrate.  Where we had hiccups in the early journey, we have hiccups in our earthly journey. 

We all have imprints that are defensive automatic behaviors to protect ourselves from the original wound.

We develop these imprints to compensate for not getting our earliest needs met.  These imprints keep us from intimate and satisfying relationships, fulfilling work and vibrant health and robs us of joy.  

Some of these are:

–  I am unworthy

  • I am not enough
  • I am powerless
  • I am alone
  • I don’t belong
  • Love is painful
  • Life is untrustworthy
  • I am a disappointment
  • I am shameful
  • Life is suffering
  • Nothing good lasts

They are reinforced throughout life, influencing how we keep on relating to each other for much of our lives, these issues come again and again….. until they are re-patterned. 

Wounded people keep wounding others passing on the same patterns throughout generations

While in the womb, how the baby feels about himself comes from his parents. It sends ripples through the baby’s consciousness, it records&senses their joy at his coming, or ambivalence or even hostility to his presence.  An unborn baby does not have the capacity for boundary setting. The mother, environment and self are one.  

A baby absorbs his parents emotions, feels & becomes identified with what he is feeling & about him.   In his innocence and permeable state, the baby takes in how his parents feel towards him as the very nature of his own being and forms his deepest attitudes about himself, life and the world around him.  

Most primal emotional competencies are learned from the earliest beginnings.  The way our passage through this stage of life stamps these imprints upon us.  

How we come into this life, is the foundation for secure attachment, for healthy self-assertion and trust in one’s own feelings,   The right conditions foster deep feelings of belonging & being intrinsically connected to our place in the world.  

Newborns are extremely vulnerable. Being alone or the lack of warmth can bring about deep terror & despair.   

Whatever was happening during the time of your conception with your mother and father are the very same patterns and experiences that get repeated through your time in the womb. The same dynamics are likely to show up at your birth, into your childhood and the rest of your life until they get re-patterned.

So many times when we are hurting and in pain, we just react before we even know what we’re feeling and needing.  For some people it comes out as anger or frustration like a hailstorm, for others, it’s more like a turtle that just recoils and hides and for others, it is more indirect with manipulative tactics as if the other is just supposed to read your mind.  

The stories in our minds can run wild based on fears in the past projected onto the future.  It can sometimes seem like it’s all happening lightening speed and we feel like we are that little injured infant again.  

The faster we can recognize the signs in the body, the faster we can slow things down and step back and ask: “what is this emotion in my body I am feeling, what am I really afraid of right now, what is really true about what is happening right now and what do I need to feel better?”

Behind every trigger is fear based on a thought and a story which comes from an unmet need.   The challenge becomes on how to get those needs met in healthy ways that don’t end up hurting others and ourselves in the process.  

The first step is becoming more compassionate of ourselves when we get triggered, afraid or when we have unmet needs.  We begin to practice giving ourselves the compassion for our “humaness”, that we may have never received before.  

There is nothing wrong with getting triggered or afraid or having needs.  We all do and will continue to until we die.  We can simply accept it as part of our human experience and that doesn’t make us bad.  We can learn to move through them easier and quicker, little by little.

We wouldn’t punish a baby for being afraid or having needs, we would just show loving kindness and meet them – no judgement, criticizing or shaming necessary.  That is what our wounded little infants inside of us need – to be seen, heard, recognized, felt – to feel safe and accepted.  

Punishing ourselves for being afraid no matter how ridiculous it may seem, never gets us anywhere other than feeling worse about ourselves which makes us even more afraid and so on…..  It doesn’t seem very smart but we get ourselves in that trap all the time.

We can respond to the painful, fearful parts in ourselves with love and compassion and provide the encouragement to do hard things in spite of them.  

So when you get in a funk and feel like you can’t move forward, or feel out of control, you can remind that little part of you that he/she is heard and seen and cared and loved for AND that this scared part of you CAN do hard things even when afraid.

Cut yourself some slack, we are all just trying to get our needs met, even those people who can be very difficult to be around.  When you can see others through the same lens of compassion as yourself, it will be much easier to not take their behavior so personally.  You can smile and see the wounded little infant that doesn’t know how to deal with their own fears and ask for what they need.

My favorite words to myself lately has been:  “I forgive myself for being less than perfect.”

Try it out, how does it feel to be ok, with being less than perfect?  We all get triggered, we all get afraid and we all have basic needs for love, safety, affection, respect, support, freedom etc…  Welcome to being human!

We all have a purpose to fulfill , a dharma. Our birth story is part of our hero’s journey towards more authenticity and greater self actualization. The only way is to go through it. 

We want to meet and befriend our fears and shadows.  We need to learn how to negotiate our needs in healthy and assertive ways. I want for you to be able to make peace with the past, develop more inner peace, make meaning of your story and find greater purpose in your life.  

About The Author

Julia holds a safe and compassionate presence for those who have lost sight of their own path, living a script that isn’t even theirs and are ready to get to the very core of healing their birth wounds and re-write their own story.

Julia is a sacred birth keeper who guides them through their birth story to their divine whole self and helps them build the resources needed to show up more compassionately so they can stand in alignment as their authentic self and fulfil their true soul’s calling with a sense of peace, power and purpose.

She provides guided hypnotherapy sessions, energy healing, somatic therapy, inner child resourcing and inner wisdom prompting for creating new neurological imprints throughout all timelines.

She works with the birth scripts that have been passed down generationally, carried over from past-lives, written in the pre-life, or inscribed from conception to early childhood and of those who have had a birth that didn’t go as planned.

Julia is a certified clinical medical support hypnotherapist, certified in past life, inter-life and neonatal regression, a pre and perinatal practitioner and Hypnobabies childbirth Instructor. She is also the host of the Cosmic Birth Show.

Her vision is for every baby to be welcomed into the world with compassion, laying the foundation of secure attachment for a more peaceful world and ending the cycle of wounded people wounding others. And for all those who didn’t get this chance, to have the means to repair and re-write their own birth and early childhood story by meeting what was unmet back then so they can live their true soul’s calling.

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