What makes us happy? Thirteen happiness experts, including psychologists, researchers, monks, and the inimitableÂ Malcolm Gladwell, try to shed light on this surprisingly difficult question in a series ofÂ TED Talks about happiness.
Over and over, the same two themes emerge. First, weâ€™re usually wrong about wha will make us happyâ€“or unhappy, for that matter. For example, research has demonstrated that people who win the lottery are no happier about that event one year later than if theyâ€™d lost the use of their legs instead. And second, happiness is largely a matter of choice. Which is good news,Â because it means we can pretty much all beÂ happierÂ if we want to be.
How can we make this happen? Hereâ€™s some of what the TED speakers advise:
1. Donâ€™t expect happiness to be one-size-fits-all.
In a fascinating bit of product history, GladwellÂ recountsÂ how the food industry discovered to its astonishment that some people like chunky tomato sauce. And what that discovery means in a broader contextâ€“that what makes me happy wonâ€™t necessarily do it for you, and vice versa.
2. Stop chasing things like success, fame, and money.
Or at least, keep chasing them but donâ€™t expect them to make you substantially happier than you are right now. As psychologist Dan GilbertÂ explains, our brains have a defense mechanism thatâ€™s hard-wired to make us happy with the lives we have, whatever those may be. Even Pete Best, a drummer best known for getting fired by the Beatles just before they hit it big, now says he wouldnâ€™t want it any other way.
3. Keep challenging yourself.
If you love your work, youâ€™re good at it, and youâ€™ve been doing it for a while, you probably have experienced â€śflow,â€ť that state where you get so lost in what youâ€™re doing that you forget yourself and everything else. That state of flow isÂ where true happiness lies, says psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, and we can also find it when doing something creative, or even something recreational. But only so long as we keep challenging ourselves. Boredom is the opposite of flow.
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By Minda Zetlin |Â INC