{"id":4828,"date":"2018-02-14T06:00:52","date_gmt":"2018-02-14T14:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/?p=4828"},"modified":"2018-02-13T13:11:05","modified_gmt":"2018-02-13T21:11:05","slug":"right-person-improving-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/right-person-improving-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Surprising Insights On Finding the Right Person & Improving Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

Finding the right person has less to do with finding \u201cthe one\u201d and more to do with exploring ourselves. In the book\u00a0The Two Truths About Love: The Art and Wisdom of Extraordinary Relationships<\/em><\/a>, co-author\u00a0Jason B. Fischer<\/a>, MA, LPC, writes: \u201cThe real question is not how to find the right person, but how to find the right\u00a0relationship<\/em>. How can you do that? By becoming the right person yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

The same is true for improving relationships: \u201cYou have 99 percent control of every relationship,\u201d writes Fisher, also a therapist with a private practice in Austin, Texas.<\/p>\n

Focusing on ourselves, he says, means that we can change our thoughts, our actions and the way we communicate. We have the power to learn effective ways of relating to others and creating meaningful and healthy connections.<\/p>\n

We also have the power to cultivate our own joy, instead of expecting others to do that for us. \u201cYour joy is your job (and no one else\u2019s).\u201d Fischer defines joy as \u201cany emotional state that occurs in the absence of suffering.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cultivating your own joy creates more satisfaction and ease in your life, Fischer writes. And your joy carries over to your interactions with others. \u201cIn this way, being joyful is actually an act of generosity, freeing others from trying to do this job for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just as we are responsible for our own joy, we also are responsible for our emotional reactions. So our suffering \u2013 feeling a way you don\u2019t want to feel, or feeling out of your comfort zone \u2013 isn\u2019t the result of other people or external circumstances. Instead, suffering happens when we don\u2019t give permission to something to be what it is or someone to be who they are, including ourselves.<\/p>\n

\u201cGiving permission is the single most important thing you can do to be joyful and build extraordinary relationships,\u201d according to Fischer.<\/p>\n

Giving permission doesn\u2019t mean accepting unacceptable things. In fact, giving permission is different from acceptance and approval, he says. Giving permission is about\u00a0you<\/em>, not anyone else. It \u201cis the process by which you transform your emotional state from suffering to nonsuffering.\u201d<\/p>\n

So how do you give permission?<\/p>\n

According to Fischer, it involves five steps.<\/p>\n

1. Recognize.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Recognize that you\u2019re outside your emotional comfort zone. Once you do, simply say to yourself, \u201cOh, I\u2019m not giving permission right now! If I give permission, I\u2019ll feel better and respond in a healthier way.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Pause.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pause, giving yourself \u201ca moment to gather your thoughts and weigh the choices available to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Breathe.<\/strong><\/p>\n

As you inhale, say, \u201cBreathing in, I know that I am breathing in.\u201d As you exhale, say, \u201cBreathing out, I know that I am breathing out.\u201d This helps to \u201cbring your mind back into connection with the body, the breath, and this present moment.\u201d<\/p>\n

4. Understand.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Understand that giving permission soothes your suffering and helps you respond in constructive ways. Also, giving permission is fair, because everyone deserves to be given permission.<\/p>\n

For instance, Fischer notes that all of us are doing our best. Here\u2019s one example: Your wife comes home after a week-long business trip and takes a conference call that very night.<\/p>\n

Initially, \u201cyou might think,\u00a0I haven\u2019t seen her for a week and she still wants to work rather than be with me!<\/em>\u00a0Or you could remind yourself, after breathing and pausing,\u00a0She is doing the best she can to create a work-life balance. I\u2019m glad that she is so motivated to excel professionally.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

We\u2019re also the sum of our experiences. So, if your partner gets upset that you\u2019ve quit your job to pursue your passion, it\u2019s not that he\u2019s unsupportive of your dream. It might be that he was raised to believe that financial security leads to happiness.<\/p>\n

5. Finally, give permission.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cGive permission for yourself, others, and your circumstances to be as they are. This will restore your calm, allowing you to pursue change in intentional and effective ways,\u201d Fischer writes.<\/p>\n

He explains that it can be helpful to ask yourself about the type of permission you\u2019re\u00a0not\u00a0<\/em>giving. Maybe you\u2019re not giving permission to your spouse to say what they said or do what they did. Maybe you\u2019re not giving yourself the permission to be imperfect.<\/p>\n

We cannot change our significant others, and we\u2019ll likely never find the \u201cperfect\u201d partner. What we can do is focus on ourselves.<\/p>\n

We can choose to think, feel and act differently. We can choose to give permission to another person to be who they are. And we can choose to give permission to ourselves to be who we truly are.<\/p>\n

About The Author:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., is an Associate Editor at Psych Central. She also explores self-image issues on her own blog\u00a0Weightless<\/a>\u00a0and creativity on her blog\u00a0Make a Mess: Everyday Creativity<\/a>.<\/a><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this article, you may also be interested in:\u00a0https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/amazing-things-happen-loving-yourself\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Finding the right person has less to do with finding \u201cthe one\u201d and more to do with exploring ourselves. In the book\u00a0The Two Truths About Love: The Art and Wisdom of Extraordinary Relationships, co-author\u00a0Jason B. Fischer, MA, LPC, writes: \u201cThe real question is not how to find the right person, but how to find the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":4829,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-loveandrelationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4828"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4828\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4831,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4828\/revisions\/4831"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4829"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}