{"id":4157,"date":"2017-11-05T09:00:32","date_gmt":"2017-11-05T17:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/?p=4157"},"modified":"2017-11-08T07:13:58","modified_gmt":"2017-11-08T15:13:58","slug":"acknowledge-the-truth-heal-core-wounds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/acknowledge-the-truth-heal-core-wounds\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Heal Your Most Debilitating Core Wounds"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am a burden and a mistake.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAll love that is offered to me is fragile and a lie.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone I love secretly hates me and wants me to kill myself.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

These are the beliefs that dominated me for the majority of my life.<\/p>\n

I am the youngest of three children in my family.<\/p>\n

From the ages of 0-4, my older sister was like a second mom to me.<\/p>\n

She tied my shoes for me. She carried me around. She was endlessly sweet, patient, and loving with me.<\/p>\n

Then some time around turning 5, my older brother found me to be increasingly annoying, and he turned on me. Not wanting to be on the wrong side of this power dynamic, my sister joined him in bullying me. This carried on for the next eight or so years.<\/p>\n

I remember countless nights of self-loathing. I remember feeling unwanted and unsafe in my family. I remember having suicidal thoughts as early as eight years old.<\/p>\n

Although I didn\u2019t have the words to understand what it was at the time, I was intermittently depressed from the ages of 8-15.<\/p>\n

After enough years of self-hatred and\u00a0repressed\u00a0emotions, I tried to\u00a0take my own life\u00a0when I was 15.<\/p>\n

I sat down with a bottle of painkillers and a can of orange soda and I consumed them all.<\/p>\n

Fast forward 24 hours and I was on suicide watch in a children\u2019s hospital.<\/p>\n

No belts. No shoelaces. No metal cutlery. Just me, two other suicidal teens, and a sterile jail cell of a bedroom.<\/p>\n

My family came to visit me during visiting hours, and they all looked like shit. Their eyes were bloodshot. They looked exhausted. They looked like I felt.<\/p>\n

And yet I remember the pain in their eyes confusing me deeply.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you all sad? I thought I was doing you a favour,\u201d I thought to myself.<\/p>\n

The pain on the faces of my family was the initial sliver of doubt that had me question whether I wasn\u2019t actually a burden to the world.<\/p>\n

Reaction Formation<\/strong><\/h2>\n

While the seed of doubt had been planted in my mind, I wasn\u2019t ready to face into the depth of my\u00a0repressed pain.<\/p>\n

The unconscious programming that I had held on to (telling me that everyone I loved was just waiting to turn on me with cruelty and without warning) led me to study interpersonal relationships like a man possessed.<\/p>\n

I read everything I could get my hands on that might give me the silver bullet solution to making people NOT hate me.<\/p>\n

I constructed a mask, and then (from the ages of 22-25) taught others how to live with the same mask that I had constructed. I became a professional dating coach and helped people get into (largely surface level) relationships.<\/p>\n

While helping people get traction in their lives and stepping into some form of teaching appealed to me, I could increasingly tell that something felt misaligned for me in the version of what I was doing.<\/p>\n

Surrender<\/strong><\/h2>\n

At 25, I began to tire of the social mask that I had constructed, and wanted to go deeper into my process.<\/p>\n

I started dating women who could more fully see me (as I finally began to allow myself to be more fully seen by others).<\/p>\n

I started working with coaches and therapists who had more embodied wisdom, and similar childhood trauma to me.<\/p>\n

In short, I started to reach out and ask for help for the first time ever. I truly surrendered.<\/p>\n

Over the past year and a half I leaned harder into my self-development process than I ever have.<\/p>\n

Largely catalyzed by a series of painful events (a significant breakup, a close friend passing away, and reaching a new level of success in my business and feeling deeply unfulfilled by it), I started working with a transpersonal therapist, joined a weekly\u00a0men\u2019s group, and began doing more\u00a0physically embodied\u00a0therapeutic exercises that helped me get out of my head and into my emotional body.<\/p>\n

Without hyperbole, this past year and a half has been the most challenging and healing period of time in my entire life, by a landslide.<\/p>\n

Of all of the things that I have done, these are the three biggest things that I did to help heal my repressed pain and trauma. It is my hope that you will be able to take something out of these steps to use in your own process.<\/p>\n

1. Fully face, and accept, the truth of your situation<\/strong><\/h3>\n

You can\u2019t fully let go of something until you have first taken it into your hand and grasped it.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t allow yourself to fully acknowledge the truth of whatever you have lived through, it will continue to have power over you.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a big difference between saying \u201cI was bullied when I was young\u2026 but I was probably just being a sensitive little kid,\u201d and, \u201cI was bullied relentlessly for years and had suicidal thoughts for years because of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a big difference between saying \u201cI was raped when I was a teenager but I was probably asking for it because I was drunk and being flirtatious,\u201d and, \u201cI was raped when I was a teenager. I know this because my sexual energy was violated and I found it difficult to get close to people for years. I still wake up from nightmares of my abuser breaking into my home.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a big difference between saying \u201cI might have been emotionally abused in my last marriage, but other people have had it so much worse than me,\u201d and, \u201cI was emotionally manipulated in my last marriage for so many years, to the point where I didn\u2019t feel like I could trust my own mind in the slightest. I still doubt myself constantly and never know if or when my emotions are appropriate in a given situation.\u201d<\/p>\n

The point isn\u2019t to be overdramatic or to tell white lies. The point is to be fully truthful. To own it fully. And that means allowing yourself to acknowledge the truth of the situation as you experienced it.<\/p>\n

In practical terms, facing the full truth of your situation might look like writing out your full story on several pieces of paper\u2026 or telling a close, trusted friend about your trauma\u2026 or speaking to a coach or therapist for several sessions.<\/p>\n

Whatever your truth is, it absolutely must be fully acknowledged and externalized before you can transcend it.<\/p>\n

2. Feel the feelings that you have access to<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Once you have exposed the full truth of your situation to yourself, there will very likely be some (or a lot of) unfelt emotional residue to process.<\/p>\n

You may have to sob, or yell, or lie down despondently, or stomp your feet\u2026 or all of the above.<\/p>\n

Depending on the depth of the wound, this may take a matter of days, or a matter of years.<\/p>\n

One of the most common fears that comes up when you are about to lean into this stage is, \u201cWhat if my sadness\/anger\/resentment\/etc. goes on forever? What if it\u2019s a never ending well of emotion?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nothing lasts forever. Your sadness can be transcended. Your\u00a0anger\u00a0can be released.\u00a0Feel your feelings fully, and you will release the stuck energy that has lived in your body for as long as it has.<\/p>\n

3. Heal it in relationship with others<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Just as all pain is experienced in relationship, it can only be healed in relationship.<\/p>\n

There is value in processing your thoughts and feelings on your own (embracing quiet, solitude, self-reflection, etc.) eventually you must allow other people to act for mirrors for your healing.<\/p>\n

I believe that it is your responsibility to heal it up to the 70% ceiling of healing, that you have access to on your own, and that the last 30% must be healed by using others as mirrors for your process.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one thing to tell yourself that something that you fear about yourself as being unloveable is actually very loveable (using affirmations or journalling, for example)\u2026 and it\u2019s another thing entirely to allow yourself to be experienced in the midst of your pain and have another person tell you that you are indeed loveable.<\/p>\n

Lean on friends, family members, coaches, therapists, and your community. Allow yourself to extend to others. Allow yourself to be seen by others. Allow yourself to be received by others. Allow yourself to be loved by others.<\/p>\n

And watch your pain, trauma, and shame stories melt away.<\/p>\n

Dedicated to your success,<\/p>\n

Jordan<\/p>\n

About The Author<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jordan Gray is a\u00a0#1 Amazon best-selling author, public speaker, and relationship coach with nearly a decade of practice behind him. Jordan\u2019s work has been featured in The Huffington Post, The New York Times, BBC, Self, Cosmo, Psychology Today, Business Insider, Yahoo!, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, and countless other publications around the globe. Jordan has made it his life\u2019s mission to make thriving relationships attainable to everyone.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this, check out this additional article:
\nhttps:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/how-to-love-someone-who-doesnt-love-you-back\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am a burden and a mistake.\u201d \u201cAll love that is offered to me is fragile and a lie.\u201d \u201cEveryone I love secretly hates me and wants me to kill myself.\u201d These are the beliefs that dominated me for the majority of my life. I am the youngest of three children in my family. From…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":4161,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[14,9,10,15,7],"tags":[1395,1396,1397],"class_list":["post-4157","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-consciousness","category-energytransformation","category-lifepurposeandsoulpath","category-lifestyle","category-personalgrowthandsuccess","tag-acknowledge-the-truth","tag-emotional-healing","tag-heal-your-wounds"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4157"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4157\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4160,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4157\/revisions\/4160"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}