{"id":1261,"date":"2016-06-30T14:00:07","date_gmt":"2016-06-30T21:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/?p=1261"},"modified":"2018-05-21T04:00:27","modified_gmt":"2018-05-21T11:00:27","slug":"tiny-buddha-we-have-a-right-to-grieve-losses-big-and-small","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/tiny-buddha-we-have-a-right-to-grieve-losses-big-and-small\/","title":{"rendered":"Tiny Buddha: We Have a Right to Grieve Losses Big and Small"},"content":{"rendered":"

Liz Seda of Tiny Buddha writes:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Impossible,\u201d I thought.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s impossible that people actually suffer this kind of pain and survive to tell the tale.<\/p>\n

When I thought about it, my stomach contracted as if I\u2019d taken a blow to the gut. I\u2019d gasp for breath and try to find some air through the tears and in between sobs.<\/p>\n

So this is what grief felt like.<\/p>\n

Now I understood why denial is the first stage of grief. How could you endure this kind of agony if you had to face the force of its full frontal attack?<\/p>\n

I felt sick and exhausted. I lay down and, although I expected never to find enough peace to sleep again, I quickly drifted off into a place where there was no more pain.<\/p>\n

When you think of grief, you think about a great loss.<\/p>\n

A death of a loved one, news of your terminal illness, and the loss of your home from the violent winds of a tornado are all acceptable events to grieve about.<\/p>\n

We can understand how any of the above can bring a person to their knees. We expect people to grieve over these losses.<\/p>\n

What we refuse to understand is the grief we feel over the smaller losses.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The falling out you had with a good friend, the passing of your family hamster, and losing a heirloom you\u2019ve had for two decades are all examples of small losses that are too silly to deserve our grief.<\/p>\n

Which is why, as I fell asleep that night, I felt nothing but weakness and shame. Because I was grieving the loss of my childhood relationship with my father, and that wasn\u2019t serious enough for all this fuss.<\/p>\n

My father didn\u2019t die. He was just absent.<\/p>\n

What right did I have to be sad when there were so many children out there who\u2019ve actually lost their fathers? At least mine was still alive. I should be grateful for that.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But I wasn\u2019t. At least not yet.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t be grateful because I was so sad I thought I\u2019d never be grateful for anything again.<\/p>\n

I knew that made me a bad person, which made me feel guilty, weak, and ashamed.<\/p>\n

So I locked up the grief and tried to throw away the key. I felt like I was dealing with stolen goods. The grief wasn\u2019t mine to have; it was for other less fortunate people.<\/p>\n

But why?<\/p>\n

Why is grief only ok for catastrophes?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s only in the event of a tragedy you have the right to grieve, and that needs to change.<\/p>\n

Go Ahead. Feel Bad About It.<\/h3>\n

When you\u2019ve lost something, no matter how small it is, give yourself permission to feel sad. In doing that, you give yourself permission to honor said lost thing and, most importantly, to heal.<\/p>\n

There is no healing without grief and no grief without pain.<\/p>\n

To stop yourself from grieving because it\u2019s against the rules or because you think it shouldn\u2019t hurt so much leaves you emotionally stunted and numb.<\/p>\n

Not only will you never know free, spontaneous joy, you\u2019ll be floored when you suffer a major loss that won\u2019t be contained by your makeshift prison.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t tell yourself you\u2019re fine when you feel grief inside your body. You\u2019re not fine.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t think that you don\u2019t deserve to grieve. Your loss is real, and it must be honored.<\/p>\n

Forget about what you were told about sucking it up. You can do that after you\u2019ve mourned.<\/p>\n

So feel it. Feel it through and through. Grieve until you feel the pain wash away from your body, revealing a stronger, wiser, and more capable There\u2019s nothing too trivial.<\/p>\n

Moving Through Grief<\/h3>\n

The first thing you need to do is name your loss and give yourself permission to grieve it.<\/p>\n

Mourning just to mourn isn\u2019t helpful. Remember that the purpose of grief is to heal you from the pain of loss, and it can\u2019t do that if it doesn\u2019t know what to heal.<\/p>\n

Even when you feel grief inside you, don\u2019t begin the grieving process until you\u2019ve identified your loss. You\u2019ve trained yourself well to deny your pain, so you\u2019ll feel very confused about the origin of the pain. Meditations is great for this.<\/p>\n

Read more HERE<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Liz Seda of Tiny Buddha writes: Impossible,\u201d I thought. It\u2019s impossible that people actually suffer this kind of pain and survive to tell the tale. When I thought about it, my stomach contracted as if I\u2019d taken a blow to the gut. I\u2019d gasp for breath and try to find some air through the tears…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":1262,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[138,137],"class_list":["post-1261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration","tag-grief","tag-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1261"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1261\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1263,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1261\/revisions\/1263"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youwealthrevolution.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}